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Loneliness

Autistic people are more likely to experience loneliness than non-autistic people. We offer advice and guidance on finding ways to help you to feel less lonely.

You can feel lonely when you do not have meaningful or rewarding relationships in your life. It can affect anyone but autistic people are more likely to experience loneliness than non-autistic people. Finding ways to engage with others, in a way that works best for you, can help you to feel less lonely.  

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is a negative experience that can happen when you do not have fulfilling connections with other people. You might feel isolated or rejected.
 
Many autistic people enjoy spending time alone and consider it important for their wellbeing. Loneliness is different though. You might feel lonely if you don’t have opportunities to socialise, or find this difficult. You might have friends/colleagues but feel misunderstood, or like you cannot be yourself around them. Many autistic people describe feeling lonely even when they are in company.  
 

Why might I feel lonely?

The reasons will be different for everyone, and might include: 

  • if you have experienced a bereavement
  • if you have experienced a relationship or friendships ending
  • a lack of romantic relationships
  • retiring, changing jobs or being unemployed
  • moving to a new area
  • living alone
  • having a long-term illness or disability
  • having mental health difficulties, such as depression and anxiety
  • struggling with sexuality or gender identity.

Research suggests that autistic people are more likely to experience feelings of loneliness compared to non-autistic people. This can be due to a lack of acceptance and understanding by society, making them feel excluded.

Specific barriers to social opportunities include:

  • unwelcoming sensory environments (such as noisy pubs or restaurants)
  • social anxiety
  • fear of rejection
  • experiences of bullying
  • lack of formal support (in education or as an adult).

How might loneliness affect me?

Loneliness might affect you in many ways, including: 

  • mental health difficulties such as anxiety, stress, depression, and suicidal thoughts
  • having lower self-esteem
  • being more vulnerable to abusive relationships or people taking advantage
  • feelings of anger, confusion and sadness
  • feeling like an outsider, left out and invisible to others
  • social withdrawal
  • your physical health
  • masking to 'fit in' with others. 
For some autistic people, the feeling of loneliness can be really strong, and it can feel incredibly isolating. I want you to know that you’re not alone if you are feeling this way.
Emily Katy (2022)

Advice and support for loneliness

Here is some advice for managing loneliness that you may find helpful:

  • Reach out to others, such as family and friends, for support
  • Use your interests as a way of making connections, by joining a group in-person or online (unless you prefer to pursue your hobbies alone). Join our online community
  • Use social media and online forums or gaming to connect, though be aware of cyberbullying and other online risks
  • Consider peer support from a befriender service and local groups for autistic people - shared experiences can really help when connecting with others. You can search for local services on our Autism Services Directory
  • Meet with others in an environment that meets your sensory needs
  • Spend time with pets or assistance dogs.

Advice for teachers, family and friends

  • Create 'buddy systems' in schools
  • Make social groups/youth groups more accessible – consider sensory differences and communication
  • Invite autistic friends and family to social events, but without any pressure on them to attend
  • Allow autistic people to socialise on their own terms.

Societal change, including acceptance of autistic people's differences, and welcoming sensory environments, is needed to reduce social exclusion of autistic people.
 

Autistic people's experience of loneliness

Read about autistic people's experiences of loneliness in these personal accounts:

Links, resources and article sources

Related advice and support

Anxiety

More

Bereavement

More

Depression

More

Last reviewed: March 2022

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