Working with your child's school
Getting the right support for your child can often take time. Raising concerns early, sharing information and building a good relationship with the school will help. This page also has tips for writing letters and making the most of meetings.
- Raise your concerns early
- Keep notes
- Share information about your child
- Having good meetings
- Tips for writing letters or emails
- Links, resources and article sources
Raise your concerns early
If you are worried about how your child is getting on at school, raise your concerns as soon as possible.
It is important to build a good relationship with school staff so you can work together to support your child. It often helps to speak to someone face to face.
You may want to talk to:
- your child's class teacher, form tutor or pastoral care teacher
- the person responsible for educational support (sometimes called a SENCO or ALNCO)
- the headteacher or another member of the school's leadership team
- a governor or council member with responsibility for educational support.
You might need to write to the school to ask for a meeting. There are tips for writing letters or emails and having good meetings below.
Keep notes
Getting support for your child is often an ongoing process. Many parents find it helpful to keep notes about concerns, conversations and what happens next.
Keeping records can help you explain your concerns, show patterns over time and keep track of what has been agreed.
You might want to keep:
- notes about challenges your child is facing
- examples of schoolwork, attendance records or behaviour incidents, if relevant
- copies of emails and letters
- reports from the school or other professionals
- notes from meetings and phone calls.
Some parents find it helpful to keep a diary of key events and conversations.
Share information about your child
You know your child best. Sharing information about them and their autistic characteristics can help school staff understand them better.
You may want to share information about your child's:
- strengths and challenges
- known support needs
- interests
- sensory differences
- ways of managing stress or anxiety (eg stimming and routines.)
To share information about autism, you could start with our:
- About autism pages
- Autistic sensory experiences resource
- My sensory experience do-it-yourself resource.
Having good meetings
Preparing in advance can help you get the most out of meetings.
Before the meeting
- Write down your concerns, questions and the outcomes you would like.
- Gather examples of the difficulties your child is experiencing.
- Ask for any reports or documents in advance.
- If there’s someone else you think should be at the meeting, such as a teaching assistant, ask if they can be there.
- Consider bringing a friend, family member or supporter to take notes. Tell the school if you’re bringing someone with you
- Write an agenda for the meeting or ask the school to share one.
If there have been disagreements
You may also want to:
- ask for a copy of your child's school records
- read any reports about your child before the meeting
- make notes about anything you disagree with or want explained
- look up any relevant legal guidance before the meeting (these are listed on our nation-specific pages).
During the meeting
- Take notes.
- Go through your list of questions.
- Ask for an explanation if you don’t understand something.
- Don’t feel pressured to agree to decisions immediately – you can take time to think.
- Make sure your views are listened to and recorded.
- Focus on finding solutions that will help your child.
- Agree any next steps and deadlines.
- Arrange a follow-up meeting if needed.
If you’re talking to the school about times when things have gone wrong, try not to blame anyone. Instead, focus on working together to find solutions that will help your child.
These tips can also be useful when meeting with other organisations, such as the local authority or Education Authority (in Northern Ireland.)
Questions to ask the school
You may find it helpful to ask:
- What support is my child getting?
- Who is involved in providing that support?
- How do you know whether the support is working?
- What adjustments are being made to help my child?
- What is happening to make sure my child can take part fully in all school activities?
- How do you gather my child's views?
- Have staff received autism training?
- Does the school have the resources it needs to support my child?
- What are the next steps if this support is not enough?
After the meeting
Write to the person who led the meeting and summarise:
- what was discussed
- what actions were agreed
- who is responsible for each action
- any deadlines.
Send a copy to everyone who attended the meeting. This can help avoid misunderstandings later and gives you a record of what was agreed.
Tips for writing letters or emails
You may need to write letters or emails to the school.
Address them to the headteacher or the member of staff responsible for educational support.
Include:
- the date
- your address and phone number
- your child's name and date of birth
- the information you want the school to know
- what you would like to happen next.
Keep copies of any letters or emails you send. This could be a photocopy, scan or a photo taken on your phone.
You may find our letter template for requesting a meeting helpful.
Links, resources and article sources
National Autistic Society
- Autism Services Directory: for services and support
- Branches: offering support, information and social activities for autistic adults, children and their families in their local areas
- Community: our online community is a place for autistic people and their families to meet like-minded people and share their experiences
- Autism Know How: our autism training and best practice services
- Resolving differences
- Template letter to request a meeting
Other advice, information and support
England
Statutory guidance:
Advice:
- Every local area has a Special Educational Needs and Disabilities Information Advice and Support Service (SENDIASS) that can provide information, advice and support to parents and carers of children and young people with SEND.
- Independent Provider of Special Education Advice (IPSEA) is a registered charity that offers free and independent information, advice and support to help get the right education for children and young people with all kinds of SEND.
- SOS!SEN offers a free, term-time, national helpline for advice and support about SEN provision.
- Contact is a registered charity for families with disabled children.
Northern Ireland
Statutory guidance:
Advice:
- The Children’s Law Centre provides a free legal advice service and legal representation for children and young people.
- The NI Commissioner for Children and Young People is independent children’s rights body focused on making sure children and young people have access to their rights.
Scotland
Statutory guidance:
Advice:
- Enquire provides advice about additional support for learning for children attending school
- Govan Law Centre’s Education Law Unit provides legal advice on the rights of pupils with additional support needs
Wales
Statutory guidance:
Advice:
- SNAP Cymru provides advice on a variety of issues that a child or young person may encounter during their education
Article sources
This page is based on the relevant legislation in each UK nation, linked below.
It also contains information that comes from our direct experience of helping autistic people and their families understand the relevant legislation and navigate the systems for getting support in each UK nation.
- SEND Code of Practice (England)
- The SEN Code of Practice (1998) (Northern Ireland)
- Code of practice (Scotland)
- Additional Learning Needs Code for Wales 2021