"For the first time, I felt validated."
Shabana
- on receiving her autism diagnosis
I was diagnosed as neurodivergent later in life, and that diagnosis profoundly changed my understanding of myself and my world.
For much of my life, this was a story I struggled to tell. As an Asian female, I carried expectations that shaped how I behaved, how I worked and how I presented myself to the world. I learned to mask – to compete, to behave in certain ways and to appear ‘professional’ – even when it came at a great personal cost. That mask was exhausting and, over time, it drained me emotionally and mentally.
My path to diagnosis was shaped by many experiences – some deeply negative, others unexpectedly positive. I encountered misunderstandings in professional spaces, including moments when my challenges were misread as a lack of effort or ability. As someone who is dyslexic, reading has always been difficult for me, yet this was often misunderstood. Being told to “read more” or questioned about my competence only reinforced the internal pressure I already carried.
Over the past few years, however, my journey shifted. There was one person in my life who changed how I saw myself entirely – my manager, Rachel. Through her belief in me and consistent support, I slowly began to remove the mask and allow myself to exist as I truly am. That process was not easy, but it was life-changing.
"It gave me answers to questions I had carried for years, helping me understand why I think, feel and behave in certain ways."
Rachel supported me in seeking and securing my diagnosis at work, standing beside me throughout what felt like an overwhelming and uncertain process. That support was transformative. It gave me answers to questions I had carried for years, helping me understand why I think, feel and behave in certain ways. For the first time, I felt validated.
With that understanding, I was able to access support, explore different ways of learning, and develop new tools to better manage my work and personal life. Over time, I grew in confidence and self-acceptance. Eventually, I found the strength to remove the mask that had been causing me burnout and begin living more authentically.
Three years on, my life looks very different. I am now a parent volunteer for a local charity, I have organised local events for parents of children with special needs and I have gained qualifications in autism. I have continued to advocate, learn and lead – all while being a main carer and balancing professional responsibilities. Most recently, I have been selected as a parent leader for the local authority, something I never would have believed possible years ago.
I wanted to share my story to highlight the realities of late diagnosis, the cultural barriers faced by Asian women and the invisible labour of masking. I hope my journey can help others feel seen, understood and empowered to step into who they truly are.
This article first appeared in Your Autism magazine. Become a member and get Your Autism delivered to your door four times a year.