In this Stories from the Spectrum feature, we caught up with Reuben Narayanassamy, father to a non-verbal autistic teenage son, Hayden. Reuben tells us about how Hayden developed a passion for sports and the outdoors, the impact of these activities on Hayden’s wellbeing, and what advice he’d give to other parents of non-verbal children.

When did you first know or start to think Hayden was autistic? 

It’s difficult to say exactly when; it was when he was around two or three years old. Hayden wasn’t speaking or saying any words, and wasn’t making eye contact. We went to see the GP, and then we went to see a private paediatrician specialising in neurology. And he kind of confirmed that “yeah, your son has autism.” 

How did Hayden develop his passion for sport and the outdoors? 

I’ve been doing different activities with Hayden for a while now. I try to incorporate a lot of exercise and sports activities because I’ve found that they’ve been very helpful to him – he’s always calm and relaxed when doing these activities. 

Since Hayden was five years old, he’s really loved water, so we decided to take him swimming. One day he shocked me and just went into the deep end, and we’ve never looked back since. Now he swims two or three times a week and does about 15 or 20 lengths of the 50-metre pool! Because he’s 14 now, we go to the gym as well, because with his swimming membership he can also use the gym.  

Every Saturday morning since he was five or six years old, Hayden has also been doing horse riding as part of his therapy. And he’s doing very well at that. Hayden also learned to cycle, so we also do a lot of cycling: we’ll go the park and he can ride five or six miles easily! 

During the pandemic and lockdown, it was very difficult for children with autism, and it was difficult for Hayden because the swimming pool was closed. But luckily, we live not far from a forest. During the summer, we’d walk or take our bikes there, and we walked every inch of that forest. And it was so good for him and he was so relaxed.  

What are Hayden’s favourite things to do? 

I think his horse riding definitely; he will be the first one at the horse riding centre to want to get on his pony! And swimming is a very important part of his life now. Some days he will come in, change his clothes and just jump into the water. 

How does Hayden express his passion for these activities?

Hayden shows his enthusiasm through his actions and body language. When it comes to horse riding, there’s usually about four riders at each session. Hayden loves to go first, and when it’s his turn to go, he goes so quickly to try and get on the pony and start riding. At the swimming pool, once we’ve finished in the changing rooms, I have to say to him “wait for me, wait for me” because he’s ready to go and I’m still trying to put a bag in the locker! Usually he quickly jumps into the water, but he will come out after about two lengths when he doesn’t feel like it – but that very rarely happens. Similarly, if we’re working with a machine at the gym, if it’s too much for him, he will stop and pick up the bag on the floor to say, “let’s go”.  

At school, Hayden has a therapist who is working with him to write sentences, and he’s using an app called Proloquo2Go, which is designed for children who are non-verbal or have communication difficulties. He can press icons to show what he wants to do, for example, if he wants a drink, or if he wants his iPad. Proloquo2Go is a very good tool, but having said that, it’s not always convenient to walk around with an iPad in your hand to use the app during the activities we do together.  

Hayden understands everything, and can easily follow instructions. His understanding is what gives me so much hope, and his understanding is getting better and better all the time.

What skills has Hayden developed by trying such a range of activities?  

Hayden loves his riding and he's improving all the time now. The instructors are doing different things with him, and he understands where to turn, when to pull, when to stop. I think now he’s in a position where he is capable of riding a pony or horse on his own, without any person holding on. 

Usually, we’ll get to horse riding an hour early to help Hayden to develop his motor skills, and also develop some life and working skills. So we’ll prepare the horses and ponies and play around, but also help to pick up the horse muck and then push the wheelbarrow. When he first started this a year ago, he used to push an empty wheelbarrow, but now he can push a full wheelbarrow – so he’s getting stronger!  

We’re also working on developing Hayden’s swimming skills. Hayden’s got the strength, he’s got the ability, but we still need to work on understanding the rules and the techniques of swimming.

What impact has attending music therapy had on Hayden?

I bought a piano a couple of years ago, the idea being to find a piano teacher who could teach Hayden piano lessons. Because there’s some music that he likes, and there’s some music that he really, really loves. You put the music on and he will go in the middle of the lounge and start dancing. But I'm still looking for a teacher to teach him. And they're not cheap, they're quite expensive. 

But now, Hayden has recently started attending Nordoff and Robbins music therapy sessions every week. Hayden first attended Nordoff and Robbins when he was six years old and luckily, they’ve now got a place for him again. The Nordoff and Robbins coach is amazing: they use different instruments, piano, percussions, and get him involved in playing different kinds of music. He goes there every Wednesday for half an hour and it's quite relaxing. It's quite cool for him. 

What advice would you give to other parents of non-verbal autistic children?  

That’s a difficult question! There’s nothing special that I’m doing – I’m just trying to get Hayden to do as many activities as possible.  

If somebody said to me, “What advice can you give me?”, the only thing I could say to the person is, “I can tell you what I'm doing with my child, and how this has been for them.” On Saturday, I take him horse-riding. And then sometimes, if we get a chance, we quickly go to the gym, or sometimes we go swimming, if he's not too tired, and we go for the forest walk on a Sunday. And then on Wednesday, he goes to swimming. And on Friday, he's got his music. Our walks in the forest have also opened up a lot of things, as I can see how Hayden reacts with nature.  

If a parent thinks, for example, that horse riding will help their child, or cycling will help them, or that music will help them – then that’s up to them. But it’s very hard to tell someone, “you should do this, you should do that”, because every child will have different activities that they enjoy. Parents of non-verbal children can look at different activities and sports to help their child and see what works for them. 

Find out more:  

Our communication tools webpage shares some tools and techniques to support autistic people with communication. 

Our EarlyBird, EarlyBird Plus and Teen Life programmes offer support to parents and carers of autistic children.   

Read more Stories from the Spectrum here.