Letters to the editor

Welcome to the April edition of the Spectrum

A whole year of the pandemic, and it continues, but now the threat is receding due to mass vaccination. In a few months or a year the threat may disappear entirely, and rigorous studies of the effectiveness of the various vaccines will tell us if that will happen.

I am pretty sure everyone has had a difficult year, Autist and non-autist, though hostility towards people with a mask exemption or with difficulty with constantly checking that they’re two metres away from others (perhaps because of ADHD, or who hyperfocus, like me) means Autists are amongst those who have struggled the most.

Despite the difficulties, in the last twelve months I managed to get married (never thought that would happen) and buy and move into a house (never thought that would happen). I can’t say I coped well or that it was bearable, but I got through it, with only distant help from friends (due to the pandemic) and that sums the pandemic up: we will get through it.

I know a lot of you have even more limited friendship circles than me, and that is kind-of the purpose of the Spectrum — a group of people who find life difficult, often in very similar ways, who can take emotional support from these pages. If you think no one has been through what you are going through, try asking in a letter here,

the Editor

Letters to the editor

As spring begins, Jane writes an open letter to non-autistic people, Tony talks about psychosis, and the psychology of bullying, Michael responds to Zimin and Sue's letters on church, and Paul shares his thoughts on 'social programming'...

Dear Editor,

I am a 52-year-old South African citizen recently diagnosed with Asperger’s.

Had I not taken my daughter for an assessment at NDC and met a psychologist trained in neurodiversity outside of South Africa it is doubtful that I would have ever received a correct diagnosis.

I really hope that the citizens of your country who are neurodiverse (or who have family members who are neurodiverse) appreciate what organisations like yours and their government do for them.

I have been researching Asperger’s to gain an understanding on how others see me.

I do not have a DSM 5 manual nor an ICD 10 manual, but based on what I have read on line, neurotypical people experience us as extreme and we cause them great discomfort.

I have spent most of my life worrying about what neurotypical people think of me, and now I want the opportunity to say what I think in a letter.

I am aware that my experience is limited to the South African context.

Regards

Jane

Dear neurotypicals,

If Aspies were mainstream, and you were the outliers . . .

If we owned “the printing press” . . .

This is how you would be described in our DSM manual:

inauthentic
lacking in empathy
expedient
compartmentalised thinking
shortsighted thinking
lacking in introspection
sensory bluntness.

I could add others to this list, but I do not wish to offend, I just want to point out that there is no single truth, just different perspectives.

A friend of mine said to me, when I expressed my frustration at having to take antidepressant medication, “Jane, all the best people I know are on antidepressants”. (I don’t think this is solely a South African problem, and addiction to substances is just self-medicating.)

I feel that this is a poor reflection of the world we live in, a world created not by us, but by you, yet we get pathologised.

Regards

Jane

Dear Editor,

Professor Swaran Singh of Warwick University in the UK, said on BBC’s Horizon documentary Why did I go mad? that psychosis is about being a “stranger in a strange land”, to quote Robert Heinlein. The suburbs are a battleground (terra incognita), where discrimination and bullying reign because of isolation (the new attacked by the old). It is no different from the body and its reaction to external invaders. It is also seen in domestic abuse, where children are not wanted and abused. Integration of society or the individual is the only cure.

Like him I believe it has nothing to do with race, culture, sex or sexual persuasion. The bullying is about trying to find a weakness in someone’s character (what you fear being disclosed about yourself, which you are ashamed of in your personal history). It is trying to dislodge an opponent from their physical or mental stance (belief about themselves or the world they come from or belonged to) as in wrestling or debating. Whether you are in a new country, new neighbourhood, or world — it is about trying to move you out again (“Go back where you come from/belong”). It is about obeying the rules or taking your own limitations back to where they come from (if you want to stay, you must dump your beliefs about how the world works or should work and accept our way, our version of it).

Problems with personal sanity or society’s way of life? This is it in a nutshell. This is the paradigm wars you face every day and the conversion or rejection that goes on, the universe over (“Are you one of us or one of them?” “Are you with us or against us?” “Do we love (want you) or hate you (not want you here)?”).

See also Marius Romme and the Maastricht Approach (Hearing Voices Network) for healing rifts in the psyche.

Tony

Dear Editor,

in response to Zimin’s letter of the October issue and Sue’s letter of the January issue: I have never actually been expelled from a church, but, soon after I moved to my present home, over thirty years ago, a man in the local congregation was extremely nasty to me because I am not very good at making conversation.

Some years later he was given responsibilities in the church. When that happened I got out of that church (Asperger syndrome and anxiety by Nick Dubin.)

Apparently, 300 people attended that man’s memorial service. I can’t understand him being so popular.

Yours faithfully,

Michael

Hi,

I would just like to reply to Rachel’s writing on page 10 of the October 2020 edition of the Spectrum.

I also have Asperger’s, though I didn’t find out until I was 48. I have always been mentally exhausted after social situations. I have always put my reason down to the fact that my brain seems to be running at high speed all the time in social situations. Am I behaving correctly? Am I participating at the right level in the conversation? Am I saying the right things? Am I avoiding saying offensive things? For me, I don’t need a nap afterwards, but I do need to spend time alone to allow my brain to calm down and stop the constant barrage of information and questions. As far as I know, this is the reason for me, rather than a sensory overload type of thing (unless it is words — as I know I can be overloaded with people speaking too much to me). My brain works in numbers, pictures and symbols rather than words. I have to run my social program to deal with people and translate their words into feelings and thoughts I can understand.

Usually this takes me 30-60 minutes before I feel able to talk to people again. Usually, I read things on the internet in this time, but sometimes I watch a TV programme or write a bit more of a book I am writing. The one thing I never do at this time is read or write emails, because that is just a continuation of the thoughts blasting through my mind. I have to shut down my social program for a while.

One thing I have noticed is that if I am with someone I trust a lot, I have a lot less exhaustion after talking with them. I think the reason for this, is that I can drop my safety behaviours and let them see me, rather than trying to pretend to be normal. They know they can pull me up if I say anything offensive, but I also know they will not take it personally. This is hugely relaxing and must be what it is like for normal people to have conversations. The only times in my life I have been able to enjoy parties or other social events have been when I have had someone I trust with me to look after me and ensure I have someone safe I can talk to. I have lost count of the number of parties I have just had to leave because it was becoming too stressful and mentally exhausting.

It has taken me a while, but my girlfriend accepts that there are times I just need to be alone and it is not a reflection of how I feel about her, but a reflection on what I need to stop the constant stream of words in my head. I do occasionally have to ask her to stop talking to me for a few seconds, as I have to clear the buffer in my head of all the words coming in. It was hard to explain to her that this is not about how interested I am in what she is saying, but about me processing the volume of words. Sometimes now, she will stop herself and tell me she is going to stop talking for a minute, as she can see I am starting to overload. She is wonderful!

There are normal people out there who can help us cope with life with normal people, but it can be exhausting trying to find them. It is hard being an alien in a human world, which is how I think of myself and the world around me.

Regards,

Paul

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Letters to the editor

Welcome to the April edition of the Spectrum

Letters to the editor

Jane's letter

Jane's open letter to neurotypicals

Tony's letter

Michael's letter

Paul's letter

Calling all contributors!

Subscribe to the paper magazine

Submit work and our rules

Letters to the editor

Welcome to the April edition of the Spectrum

Letters to the editor

Jane's letter

Jane's open letter to neurotypicals

Tony's letter

Michael's letter

Paul's letter

Calling all contributors!

Subscribe to the paper magazine

Submit work and our rules

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