“Help!” I lament in desperate communication; the words inside the schoolbook glitch, impossible to process. My legs start to tap, my hands drumming, needing to move to process information. With time, the focus builds, the angels sing and I go from an F to an A; what changed? 
 
My name is Joely, I was diagnosed at two as Autistic and ADHD. As an internationally awarded Autism advocate, Autism Trainer and motivational AuDHD speaker, I was once non-verbal, missed all of my milestones and labelled hopeless. I was the child who would never speak, achieve, have a career, be independent. Yet, society was wrong about me.

Quite often, neurotypical society has rules that don’t make sense to me. Am I being rude when I avoid your gaze and appear distracted? Or am I focusing on what you are saying? Just because it’s not helpful for non-Autistic ADHD people to distract themselves when focusing does not mean it’s counterproductive for me.
 
Autistic and ADHD people can process more information and senses than neurotypical people; some Autistic people, like me, process slowly and need a lot more time to make connections. Some days, I am too shutdown to process my own name. Yes, I have many abilities and am good at many things; however, I am not always capable of accessing memories, knowledge and abilities because of frequent shutdowns from an overwhelming excess of information. What I can do well today, I may not be able to do tomorrow, and it’s not a lack of effort.

For some ADHD people, like me, we process in blips, only taking in some information before our mind hyper-flits to new information. Then our mind loops back around to the first thing – if we don’t get distracted, rejected or shutdown. The hyperactivity is not always in our behaviour, but in our minds. This means I can look at a classwork prompt and not process that I need to do it NOW because it is not immediately connected as existing, unless someone prompts me that it is a NOW job – it’s not the same as not prioritising or being unmotivated. 

Combine Autism and ADHD, and I need extra time to process information, but I also need the learning opportunity to hyper-flit; exploring sensory-seeking mind wandering (STIM)ulations in safe, optionally quiet environments, with a role model prompting and activating my executive dysfunction.

Mind Wandering (STIM)ulations are like stimming, but it’s in the mind. It’s a semi-controlled daydream that allows for background processing of information, systemisation of data and effective problem solving to take place. Unlike neurotypical people, who may be less likely to be able to focus with distractions or mind wandering / MWS, Autistic people may benefit greatly from Mind Wandering (STIM)ulations. When utilised correctly, MWS can aid focus, provide mindful movement meditations for recovery of shutdown and overwhelm, while also tapping into problem-solving, artistic flow and creative reasoning – hello Autistic joy and helpful hyperfocus! 
You see me doodling during class? Let me; it’s how I focus on what you’re saying and make out-of-the-box connections to learn, but prompt me to remind me when the work begins. 

You see me moving and bouncing? Let me; I’m processing information on a back burner because there’s too much input right now. Would you rather I overwhelm and meltdown? Or recover?

When I don’t do homework, am I naughty? No, I’m asking for an extended deadline, one-to-one tutor at a homework / learners’ club and for someone to prompt me that the work exists.

When I chat and disrupt during class, am I being naughty? No, I’m communicating I need time out, a one-to-one tutor or to sensory seek to focus.

When I’m late or miss class, am I naughty and skiving, or am I struggling to keep track of how to get from A to B and action a to-do list in my brain? Do I need a walking buddy and someone to help me process my timetable, what lesson comes next and organise myself and my belongings? Yes, I need help; I simply can’t always communicate it. I also have desperately good intentions and become shutdown from being rejected as ‘bad’ or ‘hopeless’.
Don’t assume naughtiness before you’ve exhausted other possibilities. As someone who has 20 years of experience working with SEN children, restorative practice is important. During the moments where you must judge if it was intentional rudeness, simple masking or a cry for help, remember that it’s about safeguarding, damage control and healing. There is likely a better time for discipline. It’s not always most effective in the immediate aftermath because that will potentially make it worse, as they are not physically able to process it in a healthy way yet. 

What may help is to allow the Autistic person to stim, scheduled time outs to daydream while doing a task, have mindful movement breaks every hour of work, flap their arms, bounce or swivel on their office chair, stare at a moving visual (not a screen but something mundane and thoughtless). It can help to control negative sensory input from their environment, with safe controlled sensory output. To utilise Mind Wandering (STIM)ulations, provide moving, beautiful but mundane visuals – a fidget spinner, lava lamp, fish or bubbles in a tank – and let them watch movement repeatedly.

Raising voices, shaming, invalidating, punishing, removing ‘good behaviour’ stickers or berating them for their behaviour instantly instead triggers a defence mode – rejection sensitive dysphoria, T/trauma reflected and adrenaline-infused ‘fight, flight, fawn or freeze’ modes. 

The consequences can be avoidable meltdowns, shutdown and a spiral of poor behaviour defences, which are not their fault. Do this and watch me go from an A to an F grade. Remember, perceived bad behaviour should never remove someone’s intention to be good. Shatter illusions of what it means to succeed, prioritise effort, make goals open-ended, normalise needs, work within interests and watch us shine.

Remember, disability is not ‘bad’ or the absence of potential; it merely means we need more help getting to a baseline starting point everyone else is already at. Once we reach that starting point, we can succeed and fulfil our potential, just like anyone else can, but in a way that works for us. 

I was labelled hopeless, and yet, I am happy and thriving. Being Autistic / ADHD is not the same as being helpless; so, if you don’t yet believe in the magic of our potential, you’d best believe that the magic of our potential believes in you to empower us.
 

Words written by Joely – My Autistic Wings Autism Advocacy.

Joely Williams is an Internationally award-winning Autism advocate, motivational Autism speaker, Autism Trainer, Parliamentary Autism Champion, and popular author of two Autism resource books.