My 12-year-old daughter is becoming prone to more aggressive behaviour, especially towards her siblings as outbursts of swearing.

Puberty - which brings along huge changes physically and hormonally - can be particularly challenging for people with autism, who may have difficulty with the concept of change.

Changes in behaviour are often noted by parents and professionals around the time of puberty (Wing, 1996). The author Temple Grandin remembers that during her teenage years, “hormonal changes experienced at puberty further contributed to my nerve attacks. With the onset of menstruation, the panic attacks increased in intensity ... my impulsive behaviour became more pronounced.” (Grandin,1986, p72).

This is coupled with the complex nature of social interaction between teenagers, which can be especially difficult for students in mainstream education who may begin to notice the differences between them and their peer group become more pronounced. Luke Jackson writes that as a teenager with Asperger syndrome he knows “how hard it is to stand out from the crowd, but yet so desperately want to fit in” (Jackson, 2002). The following advice may help to relieve your daughter’s aggression.

Physiological changes

If you think your daughter's behaviour could be caused by possible hormonal imbalances, it may be worth talking to her GP about possible solutions. It may also be that your daughter has found the physiological changes difficult to cope with and you need to do some work around growing up and sex education to help her understand that these are changes that everyone goes through and that one day, to some extent, the changes will stop. Our website contains more information about sex education which you may find helpful.

Structured environment

Lorna Wing (1996) recommends keeping the rest of the environment as structured as possible when your child is going through puberty, which will mean that your daughter will not have to cope with too many other changes.

Communication strategies

Your daughter might be finding it difficult to express any difficulties she is having. She might find using email, letters or a diary a less confrontational form of communication, and one which may also help her to give you more information about how she is feeling because she can think about things in her own time.

Some parents put communication boards on the door to their teenager's room. This could be a blackboard or a Velcro board with key emotional words or emotional faces and your daughter can use this to indicate to everyone how she is feeling. Every time she swears, encourage her to use one of these forms of communication instead.

It may also be beneficial to use a visual stress scale with your daughter. This can either be a 1-5, 1-10 or thermometer scale that she can use to indicate to everyone how she is feeling. This way if she is at a 9, or a 4, you will know it is probably not a good idea for her to do a particularly stressful activity at that time.

Low self-esteem

Your daughter may also be suffering from low self-esteem, which is being shown as frustration and anger. It is important to highlight all of her achievements and strengths, which you can do by using an achievement book of photographs and certificates from all her successes.

For some teenagers, counselling can also help to raise confidence and self-esteem. The Autism Helpline has a small database of counsellors who work with teenagers with autism and can advise you if there is someone in your area.

Organisational skills

People with autism can also have difficulty with organisational skills. This can especially impact on teenage life, where your daughter is expected to have a higher level of independence than before. Wendy Lawson suggests that designing a system to remind your daughter about personal hygiene, school work, etc can take the stress out of this. This can be done by using lists, calendars and personal organisers.

Other resources

It may also be important to highlight to your daughter that she is not alone in feeling different. You can search the Autism Services Directory to see if there are any social groups for teenagers with autism in your area, and visit our shop to browse a range of books and resources written for and by people with autism.