My son behaves differently at home and at school. School say they do not have any behavioural difficulties with him, but at home it is a different matter.
This is quite a common scenario we hear about on the Helpline, which Tony Attwood refers to as the Jekyll and Hyde character (Attwood, 1998).
There may be a number of reasons for this difference in behaviour. Just because the behaviour occurs at home, it does not necessarily mean the trigger (or the cause) lies there. Your son may find school very stressful, but keeps his emotions locked up until he gets home. Most children with autism do not display the body language and facial expressions you would expect to see when a child is feeling a certain way. Whilst your son may appear relatively calm at school, he may be experiencing very different emotions beneath the surface. Asking a child with autism how they feel may not get the correct response as some children can find spoken communication very difficult and struggle to explain their emotions to someone.
Stress scales
Some children with an ASD, especially Asperger syndrome, find carrying visual stress scales helpful for overcoming these communication obstacles. These scales can be either in the format of a scale from 1-5, a thermometer, or a traffic light system. The idea is that when the child indicates to someone that they are at a '4' or 'amber' (before they reach a '5' or 'red'), they need to be helped in some way to calm their emotions again.
There are also books that you can work through with your son to help understand emotions, which are based around a 1-5 scale (see 'Recommended reading'). Instead of someone having to ask your son how he is feeling, he can show them the appropriate number or colour. Scales also turn emotions - abstract concepts that require imagination to understand fully - into concrete examples of numbers or colours. This is something that children with autism find easier to understand.
If your son finds it difficult to use a scale, he could use a help card instead. This could be a red card, or have the word ‘help’ or a meaningful symbol on it, which he could carry around. When he begins to feel extremely anxious or angry, he can show it to a member of staff or family. It is important that everyone in contact with your son knows what to do if they are shown a card or a stress scale.
Some children may need to be redirected to a different activity, have a quick run outside, or retreat to a quieter part of the school. It can be difficult to find a quiet area, especially in a big mainstream school, but it does not need to be a big space. Some schools will have a curtained-off area where your son could listen to a personal stereo, in order to cut out external noise for a few minutes while he calms down.
Schools can be concerned that by giving a child a card to leave the room, they will hand it over to opt out of situations they do not want to be in, disrupting their education. Strict boundaries need to be given to a child using a card or stress scale, including clear instructions about where your son gets to go, and for how long (using a timer so he can see how long he has). However, effective use of the card could ultimately reduce the amount of disruption to your child’s education. Instead of your son being kept in a permanent state of stress in the classroom, he may return to class much more calm and focused.
The National Autistic Society (NAS) publishes a number of booklets on supporting a child with an ASD in school, which you may find useful.
Releasing stress after the school day
Some parents report behavioural difficulties in their children when they first come home after school, which might be because they are releasing the stress of the school day.
If your son does this, it might be beneficial to have a period of time straight after school when he can calm down. You could do this by reducing the amount of social interaction your son has straight after school and providing an activity which you think may help him calm down.
What this activity is depends on your son’s preferences. If he is relatively physical in his frustration, ie kicking or hitting, providing a trampoline, punch bag or letting him run around the garden may help relieve the stress. Other children like to relax by watching television or listening to music. Some find lights especially soothing, such as a bubble tube or spinning light.
“I have always liked lights and have loads in my room. I have a lava lamp, a disco ball, a UFO lamp. They are just hypnotic and soothing and such a wonderful escape from reality.” Luke Jackson, 2002, p69
Routine
For some children, the timetable of the school day provides enough structure and routine to help contain any anxiety and stress. Children with autism have a strong preference for routine and this is automatically incorporated into the school environment. Your son may benefit from having a visual timetable for home as well, as it will make the environment more predictable for him. A timetable can either be constructed showing the whole day's activities, half the day, or simply the activities that are now and next.