Information about some things that young people with autism many find difficult, such as making friends, or knowing what to do during breaktimes at school.
Making friends
One boy with Asperger syndrome says:
I want to make friends, but I don't know how. In my last school I was bullied and kicked around and didn't have any friends. The kids at this school seem to be OK, but I just know I'll do something wrong.
You may find it difficult to make friends. You may find it very difficult to start talking to someone you dont know for the first time and to know what to talk about. You may also not know when to stop talking and allow the other person to speak.
Here is some advice to help you make friends:
- decide who you are going to talk to and what you would like to talk about with the person
- look to see if they can talk straight away and are not doing their school work or other activity
- go up to them and say 'hello'
- wait for them to say 'hello' to you
- ask them how they are
- wait for their reply
- ask a particular question about themselves
- tel them about yourself.
Your conversation may be about, for example, things going on at school, a TV programme you have watched, plans for the weekend or something you have bought. Think about a conversation between two people as a turn-taking activity. During a conversation, it is nice to talk about yourself and your own life, but it is also nice to hear about what the other person has to say.
Sometimes, you may find it difficult to know when to stop talking. You can look for signs that can tell you that the person wants to talk or needs to move on. These signs may include, for example, looking away from you at other things going on around you and showing signs of not really listening to you any more. When someone looks like they are not really listening to you, you can say, for example, 'Nice talking to you. Bye.'
You may have a friend or someone you can trust who can support you in understanding the rules of conversations with others. This person can prompt you. See our Social skills web page for more advice on developing ways of talking to other people.
What makes a good friend?
You may find it difficult to know when someone is being nice and when someone is being nasty. Ask an adult to help you sort pictures or photographs of people showing different facial expressions, to help you identify different emotions.
A good friend is a person who:
- is kind
- is polite
- offers to help others with their work or offers to carry things for you
asks others to join in
- is welcoming to new pupils at school
- is willing to share
- will help you
- is fair
- will comfort you if you are upset
- will listen to you.
Breaktimes at school
Breaktimes at school can be difficult. You may not know what to do during breaktimes or what you are expected to do. You may feel isolated and very lonely. You may want to talk to other pupils, but you may not know how to do this.
Social stories can be helpful. A social story is a short description of a particular situation that shows you what to do in the situation or what to expect from it. You can ask a friend or an adult to write down what to do in particular situations where you may need to talk to someone. For more information about social stories, see our web page called Social Stories.
Some schools have lunchtime clubs or let pupils go to the library or use a computer during breaktimes. Your school could also set up structured playground activities for you and a friend or group of friends to take part in. Ask a teacher and your parents or the person who takes care of you about setting up structured playground activities. Ask school staff to look at the following websites for ideas about different activities:
Your school can also set up buddying or befriending schemes in your school playground to help reduce bullying. Your school can ask another pupil to stay with you at breaktimes.
Some schools also have a friendship or a buddy bench where pupils can sit to show that they need someone to play with or talk to.